Would you cry at your own funeral?

If we had the ability to attend our own funeral would you be able to look at who you were and feel you influenced someone, helped change someone, or caused some kind of reaction where the world has become even 1% better in someones life?

Do you live your life for yourself and ONLY yourself? Only acknowledging others when they can immediately benefit you? Are you selfish? Do you ALWAYS ask and never give?

Too many times we life our lives with the mentality that we won't do anything for anyone unless it imediately benefits ourselves. America was born and maintained on an individualistic mentality and I'm 100% sure that this will be our downfall. "It's a dog-eat-dog world," and "only the strong survive" are mottos that we teach out children growing up. What happened to helping your fellow man and supporting those around you so everyone excels?

As this decade rolls around to an end, I think we should all make resolutions to really sit back and evaluate what kind of person we have been in the past 10 years and make a conscious effort to improve ourselves in the next 10 years to come. Nobody is perfect and that isn't what I'm requesting, I really just want us to be able to look at who we USED to be and understand that as a people, we can be better people. Change starts within - as of recently we're been crying for CHANGE but we're still in the same rut that we've been in a year ago.

Are you proud of who you are? Is your family proud of you? Are your friends? 2010 is an opportunity for us to make a big difference, but it all starts internally. My New Decade Resolution is to take the time and really focus on myself and be a better person than I was in the last one. What's yours?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

America Is Racist?... Duh (part 2)

In re-reading my previous post (and comments) about America and its perceptions, I realized that I might not have gotten my point across. The following post initially started as a comment, responding to YouLoveMikeyDig but I feel like there might be other people who feel the same, but didn't take the time to express themselves as he did. Please don't take this in the wrong way, it's only meant to clear up some things.

Thank you for your comment @youlovemikeydig, but I feel you didn't quite understand where I was coming from. My post wasn't intended to point a finger at any group and call them racist - for WHATEVER reason. The main reason for this post was for self-evaluation.

The biggest issue I have is the way some people carry themselves. We all understand - yourself included - that we are ALL judged by the way we look. In the sensitive subject of race, our skin color is the SINGLE aspect that we cannot change. But, we CAN change, our language, our style, our habits, our morals, and our goals. When we have our youth aspiring to become rappers or basketball players and "get money and get rich" we have to question ourselves and ask each other "Where are they getting this from?" When I walk into work and see my kids sagging their jeans, I have to question them, "What makes THIS the thing to do?" Where has self-respect gone?

I was just thinking about this in a class today, "Every single action causes an equal or greater reaction. But in the same respect, every reaction is its own action." Getting on television, coon-ing out, and tap dancing for watermelon seeds only perpetuated the stereotypes that our ancestors had to live with in 1830. And the same goes for television today. (The rapper with the bulletproof vest who was shot 18 times, the star basketball player who can barely read with the kid on the way, and the angry black woman who can't express her feelings without yelling and attacking everyone around her). I'm not saying these images have ruined our culture, but I want to implore our community to digress from these images and produce better ones to live by. Celebrate the teen who is first in his family to go away to college, the girl who decides her future is too important and retains her virginity, the young man who wears his pants around his waist and is able to speak proper English.

So, forgive me for using the word "racist" in my title, but it was to serve as a base for where I wanted this to go. My point is, that as African-Americans, we have to understand what we support ON television, and imitate FROM it. But in the same respect (and an even greater message), as a PEOPLE - black, white, asian, latino, native american, etc. we have to show each other WHAT it is that we represent - and carry ourselves as such. Change starts on the inside and works its way outwards. We need to rely on ourselves - above all - and understand that the same image we perpetuate will be the same image that we will die by.

I hope this clears up some things.
Thanks again for reading. Your comments mean everything to me.

Joseph

America Is Racist?... Duh

Almost a year after we elected our first African-American President, I remember a movie I watched back in my college days for a class - Bamboozled. If you've never seen the movie, I suggest you take a evening with your good friends and sit down and watch it. It isn't an entertaining movie, but it WILL make you sit back and think about how you carry yourself. In any case, the ignorance in this movie is unsettling; but of course it's done to prove a point, but it still bothers me. Can society still be like this? Could there be a network writer just waiting to unleash his idea of a mainstream minstrel show? If there is, would a show like this either make it to being produced? Could we as a society honestly take such a feat and accept the stereotypical racism expressed in a minstrel show?

Can Mantan and Sleep & Eat become National icons? Can we celebrate anyone who dresses in Blackface and outfight disrespects themselves and their culture? How do we react to the pickaninnies, the aunt Jemimah's, the coons, the uncle toms...? I know, you're thinking "but that was the past, they can't get away with something like this today!" Funny thing is, they are. With reality television/dating shows so popular we allow people like Flava-Flav, and Tiffany "New York" Pollard - who will pretty much do anything for a dollar - come into our homes and tap-dance on our dinner tables. We sit back and laugh, thinking "but it's funny." But that's what they thought back in the 100 years from 1830 when Blackface became popular. What's even more unfortunate about it, is that they used Blackface as an education means to teach them how African-Americans really acted. Not the case today? Wrong. I guarantee there White Americans who have never met an African-American before (yes, there still are some) and feel that we all act like Flava-Flv, New York, or the Stallionaires.

How do we deal with something like this? In my opinion...bury them all. Burn them (the image) even. Show America that we won't take that shit. We have too many influential African-American figures who are respected and looked-up-to even THINK this could be pulled off today. But that doesn't mean they won't try. Understand that the image we carry is more than just who we are as individuals, but we have to represent for our culture.

What do you think? Who do you represent?

What role do you play?

In "old" society, it was "a given" that men provide and women nurture - the men would go out to work and make the money while the women stay home and take care of the children. This was common knowledge until over 50 years ago when World War II took the men out of the work places and women had to cover for them. Since then, women have been working, making their own money and providing for themselves. On top of that, less women are getting married, more are finding carrers and raising children on their own. As time has moved on, even though it is believed that women make around $.87 to every $1 a man makes, there are married couples in which the woman brings home more money than the man.

In today's society, we have ideals such as "Independent women", "I don't need no man in my life", and "I can do bad all by myself" yet, we still have women who sit back and expect the man to foot the bill 100% of the time. Now, don't get me wrong, chivalry is not dead, but can you really have your cake and eat it too? I understand that it's nice to have someone want to provide for you and make sure you always have everything you want, but in that instance, he should be your husband, lol. You can't sit there and say, "We been dating for 3 months, I expect him to pay my car note, my phone bill, my rent, and take care of my 3 kids! And if he doesn't, he can get out." Because sweetie, I can tell you from now, you will be alone for the rest of your life. (That's probably why you have 3 kids and no man in your life in the first place).

My opinion, learn to want to provide for yourself and not spend all your time and effort looking for a man to provide for you. Because at the end of the day, no man wants to be with someone always looking for handouts. "I am nobodies sugar daddy, and I'm not gonna spend all my money on her while she goes and spends all her money on herself." Trust, there are some men out there who feel like they need to pay for everything all the time, but you will spend YEARS looking for him, and by the time you realize, you will have wasted a large portion of your time, and have pushed too many GOOD men away from you. So my question to you is, what role do you play?

Afraid of your own skin...

(To live in fear of being yourself)

"Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up."
"I hate myself for what I am... for who I am.. for who I love."
"I don't know what this is... I hate myself... look at me."

Self-image problems are a prominent issue in America today, and always have been. Now, I'm not just talking about fat vs. skinny, or tall vs. short. But what about masculine vs. feminine... or the social condition of what is right vs. what is normal? The generalizations of the effeminate male as a "momma's boy" or the masculine female as a "tom-boy" drives the preconceived notion that these traits are only acceptable as children. There isn't really much of "growing out of it" anymore, seeing as children are "growing up" earlier and earlier every generation.

What ever happened to people loving who they are? What ever happened to society accepting those for WHO THEY ARE and not what we want them to be? What makes it alright to tell one man he's "acceptable" because he acts how a "MAN" SHOULD act. Being able to look in the mirror and appreciating who you are, isn't that the ideal goal in life? I mean, theoretically, lol.

(Unfinished)

Pain and Heartache...

This morning, I watched a neighborhood line up to pay their respects to Jahalal Lee.

This afternoon, I watched a community mourn as they rolled the casket out of the church.

This evening, I watched a family breakdown as they had to bury their 18-year-old son.

Jahalal Malik Lee. Born December 16, 1990, was shot and killed September 21, 2009 on the corner of Herkimer st. and Rochester ave. in Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, New York. For the first three years, he attended Far Rockaway High School, and because of some issues regarding gangs and continuing his education, he transferred to Boys and Girls High School 3 weeks ago. Sources said he was on his way home one evening and was approached by four males. Words were shared and he pushed his way past, deciding to not deal with them. The males chased him and less than 20 feet from his front door; he was shot in the back of his head. He was 18 and he definitely didn't deserve that... no one deserves that, but HE ... no, NO ONE deserves that.

Too many times, especially in 2009, we hear about these people dying, but there are too many times where it is someone young and full of life. Teens living in cities are dying well before their time. Parents are forced to bury their children, and that's a serious problem. But you know what else a serious problem is? Our society. There are too many people who will sit here and read this and think "Well, what did HE do? What did HE say to the boys, or was HE in a gang?" True, these questions are valid, but the bigger questions are, "What did WE do? What did WE say when we saw the confrontation going down that night? Where were WE when he felt like he had no one to turn to?" I don't expect anyone to go out and be a superhero and fight my battles, or the next guys’ battles, but I grew up hearing "It takes a village to raise a child," and that's the truth. I was lucky enough to grow up with both my parents in the house, but I have learned PLENTY lessons from those around me. We tend to cast youth off and blame them solely for what they do. Tyra came on today with these girls who were between the ages of 13 and 15 and were having unprotected sex/multiple partners/allowing themselves to be recorded during sex/experimenting with drugs/etc. When they were asked why they thought this was okay, they responded "It makes me feel good, like he loves me." Yes, the acting out IS from them, they are to blame, but where were the mothers when they were sneaking around? What is happening in their home where they can ONLY feel loved and sexy when with a man?

So now you might think, "I ain't raisin nobody else's kid! I got my own problems to worry about!" But what happens to being a role model? Because, no matter WHOM YOU ARE, there is always someone looking up to you. If it isn't a younger family member, then it's a younger neighbor. If not that, then it’s a friend who might not be as put together as you are. With this I ask, live your life as if it's something to be proud of. BE PROUD of yourself, but also, try and live your life as if when you looked back on it, you won't be ashamed. Setting a good example starts from within. Start from yourself and work outwards. LEAD FROM EXAMPLE. Preach the word AND live the truth. I honestly feel that with the proper mentoring, we can change the world.