The reason behind it all...

Living and growing up in Brooklyn, New York, you tend to see a lot. As a child, you have to grow up fast in order to survive, and in today’s society, that isn’t so easy anymore. Every day, students battle to go to school and get an education; but more importantly, they battle to be able to see tomorrow. Too many times, especially in 2009, we hear about these people dying, but there are too many times where it is someone young and full of life. Teens living in cities are dying well before their time; parents are forced to bury their children, and that's a serious problem. I was blessed enough to grow up with both my parents at home, to live in a safe neighborhood, and to go to a private school up until middle school – but not everyone is as lucky as I was. By high school, most teens have had their dreams crushed and feel like education is a waste of time because they’re never going to amount to anything. What’s most unfortunate about it is that this is our future! What do we do with a generation of youths who don’t even believe in themselves?

I grew up hearing “it takes a village to raise a child,” and that’s the truth. We need to serve as role models and help teach our youth that the world is vast and there are opportunities around every corner. Currently, I’m working as a substitute teacher in the school I graduated from 4 ½ years ago, Boys and Girls High School. In the heart of Bedford Stuyvesant, Boys and Girls is one of the largest high schools in the state. I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed and feel like nobody even notices you are there. While in school, our guidance counselors were so overworked that we never had time to get to know each other. My student to counselor experience consisted of a couple of meetings each yeah and a few extra meetings when I wanted to get my schedule changed. Nothing really happened until senior year when I made sure my counselor knew who I was and would do all she could do to help me in my future. But what happens to the student who doesn’t speak up? Is he doomed to be lost in the magnitude?

In my opinion, the counseling experience needs to be changed. Students are being recognized by ID numbers and schedules rather than names and faces. I want to take the counseling experience back to one where the student feels comfortable enough that he can come and talk to me whenever he feels like no one else would understand. What these kids need is someone to be there for them, someone to tell them what to do without yelling and screaming at them. They need someone to show them how to respect themselves and the people around them. I want to be able to educate him so that he understands that high school graduation should not be the end goal – that there is so much more to strive for in life. I want the youth of Boys and Girls High School to have the opportunity to go away to school – get out of the neighborhood and experience life away from Fulton Street, because only then will they learn and be able to figure out what life has in store for them.

Just because you aren’t a certified teacher doesn’t mean you can’t teach a valuable life lesson. The ability to be an effective teacher comes from having a passion for what you’re doing, and my passion is helping the people in my neighborhood. With the help of Graduate studies and a Masters in School Counseling, I hope to be able to make an effective change in the future of my community.

Things I wish I knew when I was your age...

Some tips I've been compiling for high school students on life inside and outside of school... for the present and the future. Feel free to add your own.

Professionalism
Behavior -
- Grow up! You want respect? Earn it.
- Understand that your environment is in the state it's in because you make it like that. Is your lunch room a mess? It's probably because your peers throw carrots and apple slices at each other.
- Sad but true, one person CAN ruin it for everyone.
- Certain actions are inappropriate in ANY public settings.
- You're entirely too old to act like a child. Why do you need someone to yell at you in order for you to listen?
- Everything you see on tv (even if stamped as "reality") isn't always true.
Appearance -
- Fads die hard. Develop you're own style.
- It never hurts to look clean and collected.
- Men, PLEASE, learn how to tie a tie.
- You're immediately judged by the way you look. The sagging jeans and the baggy tees immediately sets you up for trouble.
- People are a lot easier to talk to when you look like you have an education.

Education
- College might not be for everyone; but understand, a degree will open about three times the amount of doors a high-school diploma does.
- A G.E.D. is the same equivalent as a high-school diploma, but the level of respect you get for having a G.E.D. is substantially lower.
- The larger your vocabulary, the farther you will go in life.
- There are more well-paid lawyers, doctors, judges, politicians, etc (who make more) than there are famous athletes in the NBA, NFL, and MLB combined.
- Anybody who is properly educated doesn't use racial slurs.

Finances
- In order to live comfortably, you need some kind of credit.
- These credit card companies WILL get you if you're not prepared. Don't open a credit card (student card) if you don't have any type of income.
- You can get credit from just paying your phone bill on time every month.
- Learn what a W-2 is, because at EVERY job you get, you have to fill out one.
- MEMORIZE your social security number.

Relationships
- Understand that a certain level of respect is key when you want to talk to ANYBODY.
- Realize that there is a time and place for everything. Some things aren't appropriate for certain times.
- Romance shouldn't always be on the forefront.
- Women who walk all over men will never be satisfied.
- Men who don't respect women won't get a woman who respects herself.
- Women who have no respect for themselves won't go anywhere in life - same goes for men.
- Everyone who smiles in your face isn't your friend.
- Cliques only become bad when you bully others - but being an individual goes over just as well.
- Don't be afraid to express your faith. A man with a level head never hurt anyone.

So this is what I have for now. What do you think?

I. Trusted. You.

I think I wrote this 3 years ago. But, I can't remember why.
Oh, Happy New Year btw, lol.

We were friends... or...at least I thought we were
I had no doubt in my mind until I found out the truth.
You found the need to lie about me, to prove to them,
to prove to yourself, that you were still... a MAN.
So the secret lay buried... hidden behind closed doors
Never to be shed light on, until you fucked up.
You see,
the biggest misconception is that I'm attracted to you.
Apparently we need to examine this falsity and discover the truth.
I thought you always had my back.
I felt I could always count on you.
You lied to me, to my face.
I'd rather you shoot me in the face, I mean,
It would hurt less.
You see, people will always talk about you
all the time... but YOU???

We were brothers from diff mothers
AND YOU FUCKED IT ALL UP!
You told me things nobody knew
only to find out you told people things about me
that weren't even true...
but apparently I knew... and clearly so did you.
You passed it off as the truth because you were the proof
... that I was nothing but a homo.
The brother with the father you never had
who felt bed when you always got mad
because your mother used to beat you.
I held your secrets dear to me
Because I never wanted to be
The one who betrayed you, like you did to me.

To make matters worst, it was a lie
That I wasn't even there to deny
The rumors that you spread about me.
So I'm going to ask you this,
The last thing I ever plan on doing
The last time I speak to you
The last time I address you

The next time you want to make
Yourself look better
Remember to take a good look in the mirror
Because self-improvement only comes from within.

In any sense, I think it's interesting and just a lil look into how I react to some things. Hmmm. Lol

Peace and blessings and a Happy New Year
Joseph

Would you cry at your own funeral?

If we had the ability to attend our own funeral would you be able to look at who you were and feel you influenced someone, helped change someone, or caused some kind of reaction where the world has become even 1% better in someones life?

Do you live your life for yourself and ONLY yourself? Only acknowledging others when they can immediately benefit you? Are you selfish? Do you ALWAYS ask and never give?

Too many times we life our lives with the mentality that we won't do anything for anyone unless it imediately benefits ourselves. America was born and maintained on an individualistic mentality and I'm 100% sure that this will be our downfall. "It's a dog-eat-dog world," and "only the strong survive" are mottos that we teach out children growing up. What happened to helping your fellow man and supporting those around you so everyone excels?

As this decade rolls around to an end, I think we should all make resolutions to really sit back and evaluate what kind of person we have been in the past 10 years and make a conscious effort to improve ourselves in the next 10 years to come. Nobody is perfect and that isn't what I'm requesting, I really just want us to be able to look at who we USED to be and understand that as a people, we can be better people. Change starts within - as of recently we're been crying for CHANGE but we're still in the same rut that we've been in a year ago.

Are you proud of who you are? Is your family proud of you? Are your friends? 2010 is an opportunity for us to make a big difference, but it all starts internally. My New Decade Resolution is to take the time and really focus on myself and be a better person than I was in the last one. What's yours?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

America Is Racist?... Duh (part 2)

In re-reading my previous post (and comments) about America and its perceptions, I realized that I might not have gotten my point across. The following post initially started as a comment, responding to YouLoveMikeyDig but I feel like there might be other people who feel the same, but didn't take the time to express themselves as he did. Please don't take this in the wrong way, it's only meant to clear up some things.

Thank you for your comment @youlovemikeydig, but I feel you didn't quite understand where I was coming from. My post wasn't intended to point a finger at any group and call them racist - for WHATEVER reason. The main reason for this post was for self-evaluation.

The biggest issue I have is the way some people carry themselves. We all understand - yourself included - that we are ALL judged by the way we look. In the sensitive subject of race, our skin color is the SINGLE aspect that we cannot change. But, we CAN change, our language, our style, our habits, our morals, and our goals. When we have our youth aspiring to become rappers or basketball players and "get money and get rich" we have to question ourselves and ask each other "Where are they getting this from?" When I walk into work and see my kids sagging their jeans, I have to question them, "What makes THIS the thing to do?" Where has self-respect gone?

I was just thinking about this in a class today, "Every single action causes an equal or greater reaction. But in the same respect, every reaction is its own action." Getting on television, coon-ing out, and tap dancing for watermelon seeds only perpetuated the stereotypes that our ancestors had to live with in 1830. And the same goes for television today. (The rapper with the bulletproof vest who was shot 18 times, the star basketball player who can barely read with the kid on the way, and the angry black woman who can't express her feelings without yelling and attacking everyone around her). I'm not saying these images have ruined our culture, but I want to implore our community to digress from these images and produce better ones to live by. Celebrate the teen who is first in his family to go away to college, the girl who decides her future is too important and retains her virginity, the young man who wears his pants around his waist and is able to speak proper English.

So, forgive me for using the word "racist" in my title, but it was to serve as a base for where I wanted this to go. My point is, that as African-Americans, we have to understand what we support ON television, and imitate FROM it. But in the same respect (and an even greater message), as a PEOPLE - black, white, asian, latino, native american, etc. we have to show each other WHAT it is that we represent - and carry ourselves as such. Change starts on the inside and works its way outwards. We need to rely on ourselves - above all - and understand that the same image we perpetuate will be the same image that we will die by.

I hope this clears up some things.
Thanks again for reading. Your comments mean everything to me.

Joseph

America Is Racist?... Duh

Almost a year after we elected our first African-American President, I remember a movie I watched back in my college days for a class - Bamboozled. If you've never seen the movie, I suggest you take a evening with your good friends and sit down and watch it. It isn't an entertaining movie, but it WILL make you sit back and think about how you carry yourself. In any case, the ignorance in this movie is unsettling; but of course it's done to prove a point, but it still bothers me. Can society still be like this? Could there be a network writer just waiting to unleash his idea of a mainstream minstrel show? If there is, would a show like this either make it to being produced? Could we as a society honestly take such a feat and accept the stereotypical racism expressed in a minstrel show?

Can Mantan and Sleep & Eat become National icons? Can we celebrate anyone who dresses in Blackface and outfight disrespects themselves and their culture? How do we react to the pickaninnies, the aunt Jemimah's, the coons, the uncle toms...? I know, you're thinking "but that was the past, they can't get away with something like this today!" Funny thing is, they are. With reality television/dating shows so popular we allow people like Flava-Flav, and Tiffany "New York" Pollard - who will pretty much do anything for a dollar - come into our homes and tap-dance on our dinner tables. We sit back and laugh, thinking "but it's funny." But that's what they thought back in the 100 years from 1830 when Blackface became popular. What's even more unfortunate about it, is that they used Blackface as an education means to teach them how African-Americans really acted. Not the case today? Wrong. I guarantee there White Americans who have never met an African-American before (yes, there still are some) and feel that we all act like Flava-Flv, New York, or the Stallionaires.

How do we deal with something like this? In my opinion...bury them all. Burn them (the image) even. Show America that we won't take that shit. We have too many influential African-American figures who are respected and looked-up-to even THINK this could be pulled off today. But that doesn't mean they won't try. Understand that the image we carry is more than just who we are as individuals, but we have to represent for our culture.

What do you think? Who do you represent?

What role do you play?

In "old" society, it was "a given" that men provide and women nurture - the men would go out to work and make the money while the women stay home and take care of the children. This was common knowledge until over 50 years ago when World War II took the men out of the work places and women had to cover for them. Since then, women have been working, making their own money and providing for themselves. On top of that, less women are getting married, more are finding carrers and raising children on their own. As time has moved on, even though it is believed that women make around $.87 to every $1 a man makes, there are married couples in which the woman brings home more money than the man.

In today's society, we have ideals such as "Independent women", "I don't need no man in my life", and "I can do bad all by myself" yet, we still have women who sit back and expect the man to foot the bill 100% of the time. Now, don't get me wrong, chivalry is not dead, but can you really have your cake and eat it too? I understand that it's nice to have someone want to provide for you and make sure you always have everything you want, but in that instance, he should be your husband, lol. You can't sit there and say, "We been dating for 3 months, I expect him to pay my car note, my phone bill, my rent, and take care of my 3 kids! And if he doesn't, he can get out." Because sweetie, I can tell you from now, you will be alone for the rest of your life. (That's probably why you have 3 kids and no man in your life in the first place).

My opinion, learn to want to provide for yourself and not spend all your time and effort looking for a man to provide for you. Because at the end of the day, no man wants to be with someone always looking for handouts. "I am nobodies sugar daddy, and I'm not gonna spend all my money on her while she goes and spends all her money on herself." Trust, there are some men out there who feel like they need to pay for everything all the time, but you will spend YEARS looking for him, and by the time you realize, you will have wasted a large portion of your time, and have pushed too many GOOD men away from you. So my question to you is, what role do you play?